So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
