He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My boob is missing a layer of skin
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
