Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
