I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
