in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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