I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
a search helicopter?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
