if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
