god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
