this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
