i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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