I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
