sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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