i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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