Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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