i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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