I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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