I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Randomize