apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
