I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize