also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
