I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
