Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
