What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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