if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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