No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
