Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
