Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
