Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
