how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
