new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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