I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
