the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
