Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
