Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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