Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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