nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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