seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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