see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I supernannyed him into submission
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
