It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
