She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
