Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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