Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
