After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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