he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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