If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
PANTIES FOUND
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