oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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