you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
