So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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