Sry I called you an 8
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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