Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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