Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
