Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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