i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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