New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
