So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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