Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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