My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
