So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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