forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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