I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
