I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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