Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
how drunk are you?
Several
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
