too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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