I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
