I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
