people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
