oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
