We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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