weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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