I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
