Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I understand Curling. That high.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
