Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
