I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
