i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
