I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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