I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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