Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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