maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
