She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
